147
147
Feb 22, 2013
02/13
by
WRC
tv
eye 147
favorite 0
quote 0
you guys, it was just announced that president obama will speak at ohio state's graduation in may. which should be great. i mean, the president has a lot in common with those students. he's currently in his fifth year and swamped in debt. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] perfect. have you heard about this? officials in pakistan are complaining about the movie "zero dark thirty" contains a lot of errors about the country. they were like. [ in pakistani accent ] the movie makes pakistan out to be a hellish wasteland of corruption and intolerance, but in real life it is way worse than that. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] it's like watching a pixar movie when i saw that. i was waiting for randy newman to play a song at the end, i swear. [ laughter ] check this out, you guys. after the success of his book "killing lincoln," bill o'reilly is coming out with a new book called "killing jesus." although he's going to be super disappointed when he finds out there's already a book about that. [ applause ] pretty famous book. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: pretty famous book. get this. i
you guys, it was just announced that president obama will speak at ohio state's graduation in may. which should be great. i mean, the president has a lot in common with those students. he's currently in his fifth year and swamped in debt. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] perfect. have you heard about this? officials in pakistan are complaining about the movie "zero dark thirty" contains a lot of errors about the country. they were like. [ in pakistani accent ] the movie makes...
340
340
Feb 23, 2013
02/13
by
WRC
tv
eye 340
favorite 0
quote 0
[ laughter ] that's right, michelle obama is here. everyone at the white house is excited. in fact, i heard they're even letting biden stay up to watch. isn't that nice? [ laughter ] that's cute, right? he's been good. with the first lady here today there's a lot of additional security around the studio. on my way in i was grabbed, frisked and groped. light laughter ] then i was like, "all right, kathie lee, enough. [ laughter ] i have to get to work. i got things to do." [ cheers and applause ] she's an animal. actually michelle obama is actually here tonight to talk about her fitness initiative, "let's move." meanwhile chris christie will be on next week to talk about his initiative, "let's sit." [ laughter ] [ applause ] equally, got a point to make equally as well. hey guys, get this. a 104-year-old woman is complaining that she can't put her real age on facebook, because the birthdates only go back as far as 1910. [ light laughter ] awws facebook said that it will solve the problem by either adding the dates or just waiting it out. [ laughter ] [ audience aws ] that's
[ laughter ] that's right, michelle obama is here. everyone at the white house is excited. in fact, i heard they're even letting biden stay up to watch. isn't that nice? [ laughter ] that's cute, right? he's been good. with the first lady here today there's a lot of additional security around the studio. on my way in i was grabbed, frisked and groped. light laughter ] then i was like, "all right, kathie lee, enough. [ laughter ] i have to get to work. i got things to do." [ cheers and...
215
215
Feb 23, 2013
02/13
by
WBAL
tv
eye 215
favorite 0
quote 0
he said, [ imitating barack obama ] "didn't get the memo? it's a barbeque." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and i go -- >> you sound just like him. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. i go the memo. >> jimmy: but what i would want to do, i don't know -- but you put in a vegetable garden as well, which is awesome. is it a tough thing to change any, because it is such a historical place at the white house? >> not as tough as you would not imagine. we weren't sure whether we could dig up the south lawn and put in a garden, but you can. [ laughter ] you actually can. >> jimmy: here's what i would do. >> okay. >> jimmy: it's the last year you have time to plan this out. >> got four years. >> jimmy: you got four years. so the last year, maybe in the last week, put in a big water slide. [ laughter ] all the way around. shark tank, classy. >> shark tank? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: class it up. and then go, yeah we feel like the kids really need a water slide going around the white house. >> all right. >> jimmy: will you think about it? >> i will think a
he said, [ imitating barack obama ] "didn't get the memo? it's a barbeque." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and i go -- >> you sound just like him. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. i go the memo. >> jimmy: but what i would want to do, i don't know -- but you put in a vegetable garden as well, which is awesome. is it a tough thing to change any, because it is such a historical place at the white house? >> not as tough as you would not imagine. we...
278
278
Feb 16, 2013
02/13
by
WRC
tv
eye 278
favorite 0
quote 0
the white house announced that president obama is going to florida for presidents' day weekend. obama says he wants to relax with his friends and really freak people out at the hall of presidents. [ laughter ] hello. >> steve: so realistic. >> jimmy: yeah. check this out. yesterday, the ceo of the national rifle association said that president obama took the art of deception to a whole new level in his state of the union address. then, he went back and he was dressed in camouflage to trick deer into thinking he was a tree. [ laughter ] some big entertainment news. it's rumored that 70-year-old harrison ford will return as hans solo in the new "star wars" movie. [ cheers and applause ] psyched for that. that will be weird when the other characters see how old he's gotten and they're like, "yoda?" [ laughter ] he's a good looking man. i don't see why that's happened. get this, you guys. it's rumored that kathie lee gifford and hoda kotb are arguing -- [ audience ohs ] -- about whether to take their show to l.a. or keep it in new york. >> audience: new york! >> jimmy: it's not good
the white house announced that president obama is going to florida for presidents' day weekend. obama says he wants to relax with his friends and really freak people out at the hall of presidents. [ laughter ] hello. >> steve: so realistic. >> jimmy: yeah. check this out. yesterday, the ceo of the national rifle association said that president obama took the art of deception to a whole new level in his state of the union address. then, he went back and he was dressed in camouflage...
239
239
Feb 2, 2013
02/13
by
WBAL
tv
eye 239
favorite 0
quote 0
[ laughter and applause ] the president -- speaking of the obamas. chanel's creative director karl lagerfeld is making news by saying that michelle obama's new bangs don't look good on her and make her look like a news anchor. [ audience oohs ] really? look at karl lagerfeld. [ laughter ] [ applause ] at least michelle doesn't look like mozart went on a shopping spree at hot topic. [ laughter ] lay off the first lady, please. more political news. the director of jewish outreach for the white house announced that he is stepping down because it's time to move on. while his mother says he's still a real catch and other presidents would be lucky to have him. [ light laughter ] i want to wish a happy birthday to shakira, who turns 36 this weekend. [ cheers and applause ] well, she says she's 34, but her hips told me she's 36. [ laughter ] and finally, a new study found that millions of computers are vulnerable to hackers because many home wireless networks do not have passwords. i tried to read the study online, but my neighbors just set up a wireless pas
[ laughter and applause ] the president -- speaking of the obamas. chanel's creative director karl lagerfeld is making news by saying that michelle obama's new bangs don't look good on her and make her look like a news anchor. [ audience oohs ] really? look at karl lagerfeld. [ laughter ] [ applause ] at least michelle doesn't look like mozart went on a shopping spree at hot topic. [ laughter ] lay off the first lady, please. more political news. the director of jewish outreach for the white...
187
187
Feb 14, 2013
02/13
by
WBAL
tv
eye 187
favorite 0
quote 0
president obama also gave house speaker, john boehner, a thumbs up before the start of his address. or as boehner put it, "not the finger i usually get." [ laughter ] he's always crying, that guy. [ light laughter ] last night, president obama proposed a college scorecard to make the college process easier on families. not to be confused with my college scorecard, which just says, "held hands with a girl senior year." [ laughter ] score. [ applause ] you can do it at home. do it at home. ready? [ laughter ] a very interactive, 3-d episode of "late night with jimmy fallon." [ laughter ] get this, you guys. a college student in pennsylvania is suing her school for the c-plus she got in a class. she was like, "i'm suing whoever's responsible for this." and her professor was like, "don't you mean 'whomever?'" [ laughter ] [ applause ] tonight -- very exciting. tonight was the premiere of the 26th season of "survivor." [ cheers and applause ] that's my show. you can tell they're running out of exotic locations. this year, the contestants have to survive at a best western. [ laughter ] an
president obama also gave house speaker, john boehner, a thumbs up before the start of his address. or as boehner put it, "not the finger i usually get." [ laughter ] he's always crying, that guy. [ light laughter ] last night, president obama proposed a college scorecard to make the college process easier on families. not to be confused with my college scorecard, which just says, "held hands with a girl senior year." [ laughter ] score. [ applause ] you can do it at home....
214
214
tv
eye 214
favorite 0
quote 1
president obama's chief speech writer is leaving the white house to pursue a career as a hollywood screenwriter. yeah. we actually got a clip of his first movie. but, to be honest, it still seems like he's in speech writing mode. take a look at this. ♪ >> it's great to be here, columbus, ohio. [ cheers ] >> i love you. look, over the past two years, i have signed into law $1.4 trillion in spending cuts and closed tax loopholes to make sure that top earning americans begin to pay their fair share. >> the fact is though, we can't finish the job of deficit reduction through spending cuts alone. we can't. we just -- >> yes, we can! yes, we can. [ light laughter ] ♪ >> god bless you, and god bless the united states of america. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: there you go. see, that's what i'm talking about right there. [ cheers and applause ] you guys, this weekend is the chinese new year, which will celebrate -- [ cheers ] which will celebrate the year of the snake. crazy that it's snake already. i'm still writing "dragon" on all my checks. [ laughter and applause ] ♪ >> steve: yee-ha! >> jimmy: check
president obama's chief speech writer is leaving the white house to pursue a career as a hollywood screenwriter. yeah. we actually got a clip of his first movie. but, to be honest, it still seems like he's in speech writing mode. take a look at this. ♪ >> it's great to be here, columbus, ohio. [ cheers ] >> i love you. look, over the past two years, i have signed into law $1.4 trillion in spending cuts and closed tax loopholes to make sure that top earning americans begin to pay...
127
127
Feb 12, 2013
02/13
by
WBAL
tv
eye 127
favorite 0
quote 0
especially for john boehner, who sits right behind obama the entire time. boehner can be a pretty emotional guy. he's known for crying all the time. and this speech is no exception. take a look. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. people of america, the state of our union is strong. we have made great strides this year. we've got the middle class back on its feet. delivered help to those who need it most. struggling families, senior citizens, single mothers. and together, we have grown as a nation. from infancy to adulthood. we've grown up. not unlike that clydesdale from the budweiser super bowl commercial. [ laughter ] did you see -- did you see that ad? there's a farmer who raises this clydesdale. [ laughter ] from birth. feeds it, takes care of it, loves it. [ laughter ] then eventually, the horse grows up. one day, budweiser truck just comes in, takes him away. [ laughter ] and now, the farmer, he's all alone. he picks up the dusty old saddle, which has been left behind as a stark reminder of all that he's lost. and h
especially for john boehner, who sits right behind obama the entire time. boehner can be a pretty emotional guy. he's known for crying all the time. and this speech is no exception. take a look. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. people of america, the state of our union is strong. we have made great strides this year. we've got the middle class back on its feet. delivered help to those who need it most. struggling families, senior citizens, single...
107
107
tv
eye 107
favorite 0
quote 0
president obama spoke in las vegas on tuesday about the country's immigration system. he also used the speech as an opportunity to try out his new mickey mouse voice. take a look. [ high pitched voice ] >> think about it. we define ourselves as a nation of immigrants. that's who we are, in our bones. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: in sports, the super bowl is this sunday. so, here to tell us more about the big game is our compulsive lying sports correspondent, trent gouch. trent? >> thank you, jimmy. that's right. this sunday, the baltimore ravens will face the san francisco turnips. the turnips are led by head coach, al pacino, who starred in the 1995 movie "clueless." while the ravens are led by a lukewarm cup of milk. the game is expected to last seven minutes with three pee-pee breaks for the referees. [ laughter ] i'm stephanie williams, and i'm a 17-year-old girl with braces. [ laughter ] [ cheers ] >> jimmy: thank you, trent. [ applause ] it's time for "who wore it best." the fashion segment where we show you two celebrities wearing the same outfit, and you decide who w
president obama spoke in las vegas on tuesday about the country's immigration system. he also used the speech as an opportunity to try out his new mickey mouse voice. take a look. [ high pitched voice ] >> think about it. we define ourselves as a nation of immigrants. that's who we are, in our bones. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: in sports, the super bowl is this sunday. so, here to tell us more about the big game is our compulsive lying sports correspondent, trent gouch. trent? >>...
771
771
Feb 6, 2013
02/13
by
KNTV
tv
eye 771
favorite 0
quote 0
and applause ] there's been a lot of talk about this photo that the white house released of president obama skeet shooting. have you seen that photo? >> audience: yeah. >> jimmy: right there, yeah. but nobody bothered to find out what he's actually shooting at. we have it. take a look. [ duck hunt sounds ] >> jimmy: this is crazy. yesterday the baltimore ravens revealed that they actually lost the super bowl trophy during the post-game celebration in new orleans. thankfully they got it back, but a lot of people were still wondering what happened to the trophy. so here on the phone to help clear up some questions about the super bowl is the super bowl trophy itself. are you there, super bowl trophy? >> yeah, man. please, call me lombardi. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay. lombardi, so what happened after the game? >> well, i can remember the ravens winning, and, you know, they were psyched. they just kept picking me up and passing me around, and then we left the stadium and headed to bourbon street and started getting our drink on. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, okay, good. you got your drink on. so you wen
and applause ] there's been a lot of talk about this photo that the white house released of president obama skeet shooting. have you seen that photo? >> audience: yeah. >> jimmy: right there, yeah. but nobody bothered to find out what he's actually shooting at. we have it. take a look. [ duck hunt sounds ] >> jimmy: this is crazy. yesterday the baltimore ravens revealed that they actually lost the super bowl trophy during the post-game celebration in new orleans. thankfully...
116
116
Feb 13, 2013
02/13
by
WBAL
tv
eye 116
favorite 0
quote 0
tonight at the state of the union address, the ceo of apple and a nasa engineer both sat with michelle obama. yep. the president said he hopes it sends a message to americans that if you can't sit close to your wife, surround her with nerds. [ laughter ] oh, i know who is going to sit next to michelle. here's a major international story. earlier today north korea conducted its third nuclear test, and afterwards iran called for all nuclear weapons to be destroyed. you know it's bad when even ahmadinejad is like, "this kim jong-un dude is crazy man." [ laughter ] we got to -- this guy is nuts. i can't even deal with him now. are you kidding me? some tv news. last night on "the bachelor," -- do you guys watch "the bachelor?" [ cheers ] sean narrowed down his choices to the final four. of course, we'll all know when he's made his final decision when he releases a plume of white smoke. [ laughter ] you guys, tomorrow is the first day of lent, when catholics begin fasting for 40 days. some catholics will give up chocolate, some catholics will give up alcohol, and one catholic is giving up being po
tonight at the state of the union address, the ceo of apple and a nasa engineer both sat with michelle obama. yep. the president said he hopes it sends a message to americans that if you can't sit close to your wife, surround her with nerds. [ laughter ] oh, i know who is going to sit next to michelle. here's a major international story. earlier today north korea conducted its third nuclear test, and afterwards iran called for all nuclear weapons to be destroyed. you know it's bad when even...